TMNT Rise above this
by Momo-Flying-Lemur
Summary: Three days and three nights, I stood looking at the door of the lair pacing back and forth, three days...three nights...nights filled with a torrent of dark nightmares and days filled with a waterfall of crashing worry. Three days and three nights since Raphael went missing. -In Leonardo's point of view-


Three days and three nights, I stood looking at the door of the lair pacing back and forth, three days...three nights...nights filled with a torrent of dark nightmares and days filled with a waterfall of crashing worry. Three days and three nights since Raphael went missing.

_**Take the light, and darken everything around me**_

_**call the clouds and listen closely, I'm lost without you**_

_**Call your name every day when i feel so helpless**_

_**I'm fallin' down but I'll rise above this, rise above this**_

My patience was wavering my resolve fading. "Raph..." I muttered under my breath pleading that some how he'd hear me and come home to us. I absent mindedly got closer and closer to the door of the lair.

"Leo?" A voice came, I turned around only to see Mikey looking concerned.

"Oh...hey Mikey." I mumbled feeling empty inside, the ache in my heart was too much, we searched New York city over ten times through the past three days and nights and no sign of Raph had presented itself to us.

"Leo...are you okay?" Mikey asked of me coming up and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I..I.." I trailed off looking down at my feet, trying to keep the floodgates from opening.

_**Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken**_

_**For all we know, this void will grow and**_

_**Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open**_

_**Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me**_

The memory of the fight Raph and I had before he vanished three days ago was a fresh and festering wound in my mind. I couldn't believe I had said things like that to him, the guilt gnawed in my insides, I felt as if I drove him away. I bit my bottom lip trying to keep the tears from spilling. " I...I just...I hope Raph is...okay.."

Mikey looked at me with solemn eyes as if knowing what I was saying. " Raph knows you didn't mean it Leo." Mikey patted my shoulder. "Try and get some sleep tonight okay, bro? We'll continued searching for Raph tomorrow, he is a tough turtle." Mikey upped and left after giving me a tight hug.

"That...is what I'm worried about." I said quietly as I stared at the clock above the lair door.

9:00 pm only three more hours before Raph will have been missing for another night.

Tick...tock...

I sluggishly forced myself onto the couch and sat down placing one hand on my cheek and propping myself up on an elbow while watching the clock.

_**I'll mend myself before it gets me**_

_**(I'll mend myself before it gets me)**_

_**I'll mend myself before it gets me**_

_**(I'll mend myself before it gets me)**_

Tick...tock

I squeezed my eyes shut, listening to the ominous ticking of the clock. I opened my eyes only to find out that it was now 10:00 pm, I must have fallen asleep, I rubbed my burning and itchy eyes and shook my head awake and looked towards the clock, determined to keep my watch in case Raph should sneak into the lair tonight and return to them. "Raph...Oh Raph why did I ever say those things to you, I'm so sorry.." I mumbled my eyes watering with tears, I silently wiped them away before they could blur my vision...

Tick...tock...

10:10

Tick tock...

10:20

Tick tock

10:30

Tick tock

10:40

Tick tock

10:50

Tick tock

10:60

Tick tock

11:00

_**Call your name every day, when I feel so helpless**_

_**I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this**_

_**Call your name every day, when I seem so helpless**_

I let a whimper escape me and pulled my knees up towards my chest, I then buried my face into my knees and let the tears come. For a fearless leader I wasn't doing such a good job fending off the dark fears in the corners of my mind and heart. What if Raph was out there somewhere hidden in the shadows, lying there broken, beaten and bleeding to death? It would all be my fault, I was the one that snapped at Raph and I was the one that steamed Raph so that Raph had marched out of the lair to blow off steam. I had assumed he had went to Casey's and April's but when he didn't return that night I called up to check only to hear the horrid news that Casey and April hadn't seen Raph at all. That was three days and three nights ago, Donatello had told me that if they don't find a missing person within 72 hours that they are most likely dead. The news had made me want to scream to the skies but I clenched my teeth together and tried to soak in the facts. Raph must be dead...he must be...and it was all my fault. I opened my tired eyes and I glance unwillingly to the clock it read 12:00 pm now...my hands curled into fist and I let the tears fall.

"Leo?"

I blinked and glanced across my shoulder to see Donatello studying me with a concerned look. "Leo what are you doing up?" He asked of me.

I sucked in a deep and quiet breath and exhaled and tried my best to keep my voice study. however it was still a trembling mess when I spoke. "W-Waiting for Raph, maybe he'll come home..."

Donatello frowned at me, I could tell he knew how much turmoil was eating me alive inside. Donatello came up and like Mikey he hugged me," Raph will be okay, he is a strong turtle, he'll be fine...he has to be..."

I heard the pain in Donatello's voice and I knew with heart stopping fear that these were just false words of comfort. Donatello was trying to reassure himself and me at the same time and failing miserably doing so. I sucked down a sob and hugged Donatello to me,"...He's fine...he is fine.." I said hushing Donatello who was now crying. Donatello pulled away from me and then we heard something, my gaze turned towards Michelangelo's bedroom door and there he was eyes wide, trembling.

"I..I had a nightmare..." Mikey whimpered before joining his brothers.

I blinked and then pulled Mikey to me as well and hugged Donatello and Mikey. "What was it about Mikey?" I asked and then a feeling kicked me in the gut, I didn't need to know what it was about when I looked Mikey in the eyes I could already tell by the pained look in them that the nightmare was about Raph. "Oh Mikey.." I mumbled and patted him on the shoulder

"I..I..I want my brother.." Mikey sobbed into my shoulder. "Where is Raphie...Leo? Where is he?"

"I wish I knew Mikey...I wish I knew..." I mumbled and then finally the flood gates opened and I too broke down into sobs.

"My sons? What is wrong?" Splinter's voice came to us.

Mikey looked to Master Splinter," Master Splinter...Leo is...he..." Mikey glanced back at me while I looked towards Master Splinter.

"Leonardo my son..." Splinter said soothingly as he came up to me and place his hand on my cheek. "Leonardo why do you cry?"

"Raph." I choked out and looked away from Splinter and my brothers, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to leave and go search for Raph. "I...sensei...I need to.."

"Leonardo." Splinter said gently yet slightly strict. "You need your rest you would do no good in your search for Raphael if you are tired, it would only make it more difficult for you to find him. Please my son, please rest we shall search more for Raphael tomorrow."

I blinked and nodded feeling defeated," Y-Yes Sensei..." Then with that more tears came and I trembled even more. Splinter patted me on the cheek and went off to sit on a recliner chair next to the couch, he gazed over at me with sorrow.

By now...Donatello and Mikey gave me looks of worry and then hugged me and we sat there on the couch hugging and crying, for who knows long. Next thing I knew my eyes snapped open from a dreadful nightmare and I was lying on my side with Mikey and Donatello curled up on the other side of the couch. I groggily pulled myself up and I dared to steal a glance at the clock. My hope died when I saw it, it was 1:00 am and still Raphael was still gone and missing.

_**I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this**_

_**Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless**_

_**Fallin' down, fallin down', but I'll rise above this, rise above this **_

I was feeling so helpless, I let my gaze travel over towards the sleeping form of Master Splinter and let out a sigh cupping my cheeks in my hands and propping my elbows on my knees, my arms supporting me from slumping back into sleep. _Raphael please...please come home...I don't know where you are, I don't know if you are dead or alive, happy or sad, cold or warm, scared or unafraid, alone or with someone...oh Raph..._

That's when I heard it... the lair door swishing gently open, a figure stood in the door way.

It...was..Raphael!

I gazed at him, he gazed at me for a few moments before Raph slumped down on his hands and knees, I could see that he was crying. This put me on alert and I carefully got up from the couch so as not to wake Donatello and Mikey and I walked briskly over to Raph. "Raph?" I questioned, kneeling down to look him in the eyes. What I saw in his eyes made my heart cry in pain. Raphael's eyes glistened with tears, with so many painful and sorrowful emotions, it was as if the pain was eating Raphael from the inside out. "Oh Raph..." I said and pulled him towards me, "I'm so...so sorry Raph..." I began. I heard Raph whimper and he buried his face under my chin. I placed my hand on his shoulder and stroked it in a brotherly way. "I'm so sorry little bro, I never meant anything I said...I love you so much." With that I felt Raph tremble and break down, he let out gentle sobs, I could feel his tears fall. "I'm not mad anymore Raph..I promise..." I tried to be comforting but my voice was filled with trapped sobs. I hardly took notice of the scar that lie upon my shoulder. During training Raph and I were sparring and I got distracted and Raph had stabbed me in the shoulder, I got angry and exploded on him pulling out his sai and throwing it down on the ground at his feet. I yelled telling him that he was a danger to this family and that no one wanted him here and he should just go and vanish. But no, it was my fault, Raph never meant to stab me, I was the one that got distracted and didn't defend myself, Raph didn't mean to stab me with his sai and I knew it. I felt shame blossom within me and I hugged Raph tighter. "I never meant any of it...never...I know it wasn't your fault it was an accident I wish I could go back and change what I said. I wish..." Sobs now came flooding from me and Raph and we sat there hugging each other in silence besides our sobs. The memory of the training session invading my thoughts.

_**"WHAT THE SHELL RAPH!" I gasped as he stabbed me with his sai, Splinter, Donatello and Michelangelo jumped when it happened. I removed the sai from my shoulder, blood now pulsing from the wound. I threw the sai at the ground and then glared at Raph. Raph looked at me then down to his sai, then to his hand and back at me, then towards my wound and then looked me in the face. His face was of pure shock and confusion as if he had no idea he had just stabbed me. "Shell Raph, what was that for? Ugh why do I even bother!" I slapped my hand to my forehead and groaned. I removed my hand and placed it on my shoulder wound and stared into Raph's eyes. Feelings of mixed emotions jumbled within me, but the strongest emotion was anger. " You are a danger to this family! No one wants you here Raph, you only get in the way, your temper always ruins our missions! Just go and vanish why don't you? You are nothing but a pain in our shells and all you do it cause more trouble then good and more pain then happiness!" I shouted in his face, then regret came crashing into me as if I were hit by a train. Raph looked at me, his face had gone a little pale, he stared at me in horror and in agony. I saw the tears glisten in his eyes, he didn't even yell back, he just turned away and ran like an animal being hunted. "WAIT RAPH-" I cried and went after him, I chased him through the sewers and up to the surface. He climbed his way to the rooftops above, I did as well I was in hot pursuit, when all of a sudden lightning blinded me and that was when I lost track of Raph. "Raph!" I yelled out in desperation, rain now came pouring down and pelting me with ice cold drops.. "Raph! Where are you? Come on please, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!" Yet he would not come, I fell to my hands and knees and wailed his name to the skies, knowing I had gone too far...way too far...**_

I was dragged out of my memory when I small voice reached my ears.

"Leo.."

It was Raph saying my name. "Oh Raph..." I mumbled and let even more tears fall from my eyes. "I thought I lost you...I thought you were gone...I thought...I thought..."

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked in disdain why was Raph apologizing to me? I'm the one that needs to apologize.

"I'm sorry fer Casey and April lyin'...I was there at their place...they...they lied fer me because I was in such a pitiful state, I broke down Leo..I...I...they lied ta keep yeh away from me, they were so worried bout me, I told 'em that I didn't want them ta lie for me and I wanted ta talk ta yeh but they lied anyway and then I snuck out because I knew that they weren't gonna let me talk ta yeh so I came here..." Raph said, his voice uneven and still filled with pain.

"You don't need to apologize for anything." I told him firmly, yet my voice was still trembling. "I should be the one apologizing, I got distracted and didn't defend when you struck out at me, it is my fault." I bit my lip and held back my tears. "You are home and that is all that matters, you are safe and at home and wanted here. We'd never be the same without you Raph, our family would not be whole and we'd all miss you so much..."

Raph went quiet and let out a content sigh, I heard him slip into sleep. I smiled weakly and I grabbed him up and led him over to the couch and placed him in my spot and then settled down onto the floor, I lie down and looked towards the clock. 2:00 am, Raph and I had been crying for an hour and talking to each other, I wasn't shocked that we had though. We both had really needed that talk and I felt the heavy weight of guilt leave me, it vanished and left a warm and fuzzy feeling, Raphael was home and healthy, and that was all that mattered. I lie my head back down about to go to sleep when I felt some one snuggle up next to me, I opened my eyes and saw Raphael besides me, he looked at me and smiled timidly. "Mind if I lie here with yeh?" He asked, his voice was still filled with the slightest pain.

"Of course Raph." I said, pulling him towards me remembering the last time I gave this kind of brotherly comfort. It was when Raph had a nightmare when we were just toddlers, Raph had a horrible nightmare about me going up to the surface and getting hurt and never coming home. I knew now how Raph felt in his nightmare long ago, I knew now why he was so upset about the nightmare, I knew now why he is the way he is. That dream had pushed him to become a strong hold for his brothers, it had pushed Raph to be the hothead he is, it had pushed Raph to become the protector of his family, to watch his family's back. I finally understood, I had finally felt the same horror Raph had in his dream. I knew the horror Raph experienced when he thought his big brother wouldn't come home.

I felt then a blanket being placed upon me. I saw Raph was the one who place it on me, I smiled at him and covered him up as well. "Good night Raph.." I mumbled as Raph rolled over and let his head rest next to my chest.

"G' night...Leo." Raph breathed out, no longer was his voice filled in pain but it was filled with serenity as if he had finally found his center and his spirit had healed from the wounds I gave him. "I forgive yeh.."

I blinked and tears of joy streamed down my cheeks, I knew now Raph forgave me and that was all I needed, I wrapped my arms around him and closed my own eyes. "I love you..." I said and then I was lost to darkness in a blissful dream where my brothers and I were all sparring with each other and laughing and taunting one another. Everything was whole again.

Author note: This is JUST brotherly fluff, no T-Cest! You perverts XD

This is only sibling comfort! I am the oldest of my siblings and whenever they have nightmares or are scared they come to me and sleep on my bed while I watch them. It is a sibling thing, it gives your younger siblings comfort and an easy time going back to sleep when they know some one is there for them. This is a sibling thing and there is no T-cest at all it is natural for younger siblings to cuddle up to their trusted older sibling for comfort. SO BACK YOU PERVERTS BACK I SAY :U NO T-CEST FOR YOU!

Oh how I love Leo and Raph bro moments XD

Like I say these ideas randomly pop into my head this came out of no where

Ah well enjoy, read, review, whatever XD

And this was a one-shot brother love moment, there won't be any more added to it unless I change my mind.

While in sparring Leo got distracted and wasn't paying attention and didn't block Raph's attack fast enough and got stabbed in the shoulder. Leo was seething in anger and yelled at Raph but realized that Raph wasn't to blame and Raph didn't know that Leo wasn't going to defend himself so yeah...


End file.
